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Written by: Tracey Maidens
Sibling: Melissa
Hi, my name is Tracey, and my mom, Adele, asked me to write in to give my perspective of being a sibling of an RTS child.
My sister, Melissa, is 11 years my junior. She is my half-sister, but it's a good half! I still
remember the day she was born (my dad let my brother and I watch "Live and Let Die" till past bed-time), and being filled with the usual feelings a sibling goes through at the birth of a younger sister : excitement, a
touch of uncertainty as to whether things would change now that my place as "only girl" was defunct, jealousy at the attention Melissa would receive, fear that I would not be a very good bigger sister.
Melissa
was not an easy baby. She vomited all the time, cried a lot and took up a lot of mum's time. She was also a slow developer (duh!). But she was so cute. She looked like a cabbage patch kid. Kevin (my brother) and I used to
babysit, and I remember one time she had such a bad tummy-ache and she wouldn't go to sleep, she vomited all over me and cried and cried. I slapped her face - not hard - but I was just so tired, and frustrated. Afterwards,
I lay down next to her and promised her that I would never hurt her again, and that I would always look after her, no matter what. I will keep that promise.
Melissa will be eighteen this year. I am twenty-nine. There
have been times when I have regretted that she is not a "normal" teenager, because I would have loved to play the role of big sister and imparted "words of wisdom" as she went through normal teenage angst.
But Melissa is an eternal child, and that has it's own rewards. She is an old soul, and has an inner core of spirituality, and a strong sense of justice, which might no longer be there had she suffered the trials and
tribulations of adolescence.
I am married to a Remedial Therapist, Mark, who has been a tremendous help to me in understanding Melissa, and in coping better with her. Also, I know that if anything were to happen to our
parents, Mark would welcome Melissa into our home, with open arms, which is a huge comfort, as so many men would feel uncomfortable with that. Melissa adores him, and he often tells me that the reason he married me was for
my sister!
I admire my mother so much. She has endured so much uncertainty and sadness, and fear, because of Melissa's RTS. I know the other people on the RTS list have been a great comfort to her, and I want to
thank you all for being there for her. She is a very special lady, and I hope that I can be as good a mother as she is, when I have children.
Being a sibling of an RTS child has its ups and its downs. Invariably, you
don't receive as much attention as you would if your sibling were "normal" because the child needs so much more attention from your parents and family. Also, I remember money being tighter than it perhaps
otherwise would have been, because of medical bills, etc. And you learn very early on to live with the knowledge that, with children, come tremendous responsibilities. I don't think a sibling of an RTS child would ever be
silly regarding birth-control! In some ways, you grow up quickly, because you suddenly realise that life is not very fair, and this person, whom you love so much, is afflicted by a syndrome for which there is no cure. You face
the stares and questions of strangers and friends, which can be embarassing. Fortunately, in my case, my love for Melissa and the tremendous urge I felt to protect her over-rode a teenager's natural embarrasment, and I do
not for one minute regret who she is, or the fact that she has RTS.
Another important effect Melissa's RTS has had, is to instill, from an early age, a sense of responsibility, a feeling that I am responsible for the
life of another person. When I started working, I took out life insurance, with Melissa as co-beneficiary with Mark. When Mark and I looked for our first house, we made sure that there would be a spare bedroom, not because
we were planning children in the near future, but in case Melissa needed to come and stay with us. Mark has also stayed up-to-date with RTS, and hopes to do his Masters in Educational Psychology soon, with RTS as the theme for
his thesis. So, I guess you could say that RTS has affected our lives in all sorts of ways, but I think they are good ways.
Melissa is my li'l sis, and I am eternally grateful that I have had the
opportunity to know this little soul, from whom I have learned so much - not least of all every disney song ever written!
Tracey and Mark
tracey@tbt.co.za
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