Emma is the most wonderful, stubborn, beautiful and opinionated little girl we can imagine. She has a little sister Sarah (6/99) who is now bigger than her, and a little brother Tom (6/03) who is catching up quickly.

Tom, 18 months.

Sarah, 5 years.

Emma, 5 years.

What I Wasnít Expecting

And then somebody told me
That what I didnít know I was expecting
Wouldnít be.
But they couldnít tell me what would be.

And I was left staring into the void
Between what is and what will be.
And so I mourned those things
I hadnít known that I was expecting.

I wept over what I did have
Because I knew that I didnít know
What to expect anymore.
And I was overwhelmed by uncertainty.

I pondered what I hadnít known I was expecting.
And slowly, through those tears,
I came to understand that no one gets what they are expecting.
Just usually you know what you did get
Before you know that you arenít getting
What you were expecting.

So it was the experience of staring into the void
Between what is and what will be,
Without any expectations,
That took my breath away
And left me reeling and uncertain.
And made me think about what matters.

Then slowly I came to realize
That what I did have
Is just as good as
What I didnít know I was expecting.
And then I knew what a wondrous gift Iíd been given
By what I wasnít expecting.

Will You Be Happy?

Every now and then
I think about the time
Many tomorrows from now
When I am old
And you are grown.

I wonder what your life will be
How will you let me know
What you think?
What you feel?
What you dream?
Will you be healthy?
Or will your body be failing you?
Will you be happy?

I worry about your life after I die
Who will take care of you?
Who will love you the way I do?
Will you be happy?

And then I think
What if you do not outlive me?
And I cry.

Be loved.
Be happy.
Be healthy.
Live long.

But what is long enough?
If you are happy
And your body fails you
I will cry.
I will miss you
With all my being.

And I will also rest easy
Knowing that for your whole life
You were cared for
And you were happy
And you were loved.

Becky Celuzza
becky@celuzza.com