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My daughter Julie is now twenty-five years old. To make her needs and wishes known to others has taken energy, commitment and dedication to the “learning” of her life. When I talk about behavior, it is not just what she
does, but what I do, too. It is often my action or reaction which can diminish, escalate or alter a behavior.
My commitment to and need for a team approach, at a time when it was not usually suggested by professionals, has helped to establish a framework for me and Julie to create the learning environment ot meet her changing
needs. Success and “failures” have been opportunities for growth and learning. Doing things that have not been done before have been fruitful exercises which not only benefited Julie, but have opened doors for
others.
Talking Points:
Be inclusive: Wherever and whenever possible include as many people as possible, especially your child, if possible, to manage, problem-solve and to support you.
Team approach: Include MD, psychiatrist, psychologist, LCWSW, Regional Center, behaviorist, teachers, speech th erapist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, friends, family and neighbors; get everyone on the same plan to work for your child.
Take care of yourself first: Use respite regularly, carve a niche for yourself, get a hobby, make a date with your spouse, or friend on a regular basis.
Rule out physiological problems systematically: Puberty is a time for big changes; be prepared for new behaviors.
Identify and assess effect of your actions on your child, your family, and yourself: Your actions are often central to what others say and do; how they behave toward you and your child (especially siblings).
Choose your words and actions carefully: They are powerful.
Listen: This may be the most difficult thing to do. Learn new ways to really hear what your child is trying to tell you, then you can act responsibly.
Nurture self-sufficiency: Your child’s life is not always a “program”.
Share your knowledge and experience with others. This is the way parents support and help themselves and each other.
Attitude: Check your attitude and approach. If your attitude is not receptive to getting people to work together, then it is time to take a look at what you can do to make the team approach work for your child’s benefit, especially for the long term.
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